What's Love Got To Do With It? Or Anything Else?
Dr. Arlene Krieger
"Whats Love Got To Do With It", Tina Turner's classic hit rushes through my mind as I drive into my office today. Although they say that one should leave their work at the office, in my line of work, that is easier said than done. The pain and angst of life exists, many learn to survive it, for some that are eternally stuck in the past, it culminates into eternal pain. Whether at rest, in lines at the food store or caught in traffic, thoughts of my patient's lives tumble through my head like waves crashing upon the shore. The nuances of each and everyones personal dilemmas, ebbing and flowing with the same destructive forces of nature of a terrible hurricane or tornado.
Just because I have a PHD does not mean I am not a student of life. I continuously research. Recently I came upon evidence that "head over heels attraction can be a sign of bad schema chemistry." The author speaks of "love traps" such as issues of entitlement, abandonment, defectiveness, subjugation, self-sacrifice, both or either party being punitive. The list is unlimited as to what we as human beings of which mates can do to each other, in relation to the dynamics of personal interaction the couple demonstrate.
Likewise, if sexual and physical attraction, the desire for another for the sake of personal pleasure is not LOVE, then as ' then as Alfie asks"' again and again in the song "whats it all about.?" To begin with, LOVE is a decision that one makes, hopefully incorporating, reason, logic, and executive frontal lobe processes, vs. the animal attraction of the limbic system thought processes. Real LOVE is the conscious intent, a cognitive leap of good faith, mixed with genuine care, respect, and a sprinkling of heartfelt and soulful emotion towards your significant other.
Absolute LOVE is not simply wanting this other human being in your life because you can gain personal pleasure from them, but rather, it is an intangible soul to soul love, where wanting the best for the other person comes from your heart, not from a sense of personal gain. To love one because you admire and respect the core essence of them, to love another from the perspective that you are a better person for having them in your life, these are the essentials of an authentic and lasting LOVE.
Simply some food for thought for all of those who claim to love, but use the term vaguely....without exploring the responsibilities of such a true and blissful journey.
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