Healing The Pain Of An Affair
The pain caused by a marital affair can be extremely powerful. Within the process of recovery, there are three factors, the two members of the couple and the relationship itself. The relationship is its own entity and is damaged by the affair along with the two people. Also, remember that the guilty party will experience pain along with the betrayed spouse.
To achieve affair recovery, you must show patience and perseverance. When an affair occurs, it damages the very foundation of the marriage, but through certain steps, the relationship can survive. To do this, both husband and wife must make a full commitment to healing the marriage.
During these dark times, it is helpful to think back to why your marriage was strong and happy to begin with. Try not to dwell on the recent episodes of betrayal and infidelity, and keep focusing on positive things. Remember why you were first attracted to your partner.
Then, once you have identified some happy memories, you need to try and pinpoint what happened to upset your marriage's stability. In a happy and satisfied relationship, partners sometimes still cheat, but there are still certain factors that you can identify, so that you can fix the situation and prevent it from reoccurring.
Affair recovery takes deep honesty about the situation that led to the affair and the feelings that went along with it, both in the offending spouse and in the wronged one. It is best to phrase statements about the situation in "I" statements rather than "you" statements. Say "I feel like X when you do Y" rather than "You make me feel bad when you look too much at other people." Own your own feelings rather than being accusatory.
Deep honesty means letting out all of the hurt and not carrying the baggage of unresolved feelings. In affair recovery each must get in touch with their own core values, hopes, and dreams as well as acknowledging their own and their spouse's anger and pain.
The help of a third, unbiased person is often needed for recovery, as an outside party can bring a new understanding of the broken marriage's dynamics and can provide advice on how to heal. You could visit a marriage counselor, a clergy member, or simply ask for help from a friend that both of you trust. Both husband and wife can benefit from getting an outside opinion. Remember to take the third person's counseling experience into consideration. Infidelity is a difficult hurt to heal so be sure to seek qualified advice.
It won't be easy to rebuild trust after infidelity, but it can happen! Your relationship was once strong enough for you to join together and begin a family, and you can draw on that strength as you rebuild. Neither of you should minimize the other's pain, but don't dwell too much on it either. You can't change what happened, but there are possibilities for your relationship in the future. When you can look ahead and focus on building a stronger marriage, you can achieve affair recovery.
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