Internet Love Vs. Local Love (And What IS Love?)
Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD Clinical Sexologist
In our relentless search for signs of intelligent life my hometown, through meeting, greeting and all the preliminary rituals of dating. We are so action oriented that we think of love as something that is done, as in a job description.
I thought some deep hearted comments about love, dating and the appropriate-and inappropriate behaviors of the human mating rituals were called for after experiencing some of the less than favorable dating and mating dances first hand. Therefore, wanting to know if it was just me, feeling the urge to flee the Internet dating scene, I sought out interviews with the local women of the area. The results of these interviews provided for a delectable birds eye view of what it REALLY is like to embark on the path of Internet dating!!
Love's Philosophy: Does love actually have a philosophy? What is it?
It is the method of merging in ultimate union through the heart. It is dualistic in the sense that one experiences love at first in relation to something or someone separate from oneself. The goal and outcome is non dualistic in the sense that the lover and the beloved merge as one.
Sensitive is an understatement regarding the work in that it is too easy to get too much reward (bliss) from the dualistic stage..that one cannot leave the separateness to proceed to the initiative stage. We are so action oriented that we think of love as something to do. But most people have sadly found that you cannot make love if love does not already exist. Love has to spring spontaneously from your insides, and it is in no way amendable from any inner or outer force. Love and coercion can never go together, but love can be awakened within a person through love itself. Love is essentially self-communicative. Those who do not have it catch it from those who do have it. True love is irresistible unconquerable. It goes on gathering power and spreading itself until eventually it transforms anyone who comes within shouting distance of it.
Various vehicles exist for the lover for beloved. The essence, the love is the same. What one is loving within the other is love itself. When one says "I've fallen in love"..it means that the person found the key to unlock the place of your love. When the experience is mutual you can say psychic chemistry allows both partners to fall in love or awaken to love. Since love is a state of being that state to which we all want to return , we wish to possess love or we try to possess the key but we find that is impossible ....to possess the key is to misplace it forever. It is one thing that cannot be possessed. In fact the opposite. Love simply "is".
More often than not, we become attached to the methods and fail to realize that it is the goals and not the method we crave. A relationship that starts out as one that awakens love can only remain a living vehicle for love to the extent that it is continually made new. Play your role in the divine dance but know it is such so that its divine nature is recognized and appreciated.
The 21st century dating scene is not as flowery and romantic as the previous paragraph presumes it to be. (This commentary is not gender biased, but rather derived from several interviews with women in the local vicinity. Their self-reports corroborate a general lack of dignity in dating these days. It is agreed that one must be thick-skinned in order to tolerate the process and be able to roll with the punches that are inherent with "dating").
I interviewed several local women and this is what I found:
SUSAN: "Please do not insult us in meeting for a Sunday afternoon bite to eat on a first "date" and fool yourself into believing that you have the right to be in our "personal space"....you know...the hand holding, playing with hair, touching waist, kissing. Did you mention this would be part of our date? Did I suggest it? No! Such nerve."
Where is the precedence for this seeming familiarity and sense of entitlement?" How much self-permissiveness can some immature men feel? It seems quite so. These physical actions send a clear message to most women , that you don't want to really know who they are....but are simply looking for a quick hook-up to ease your loneliness or satisfy your temporary loneliness.
VICKY: "Someone please explain to those of us women with half a brain...(c'mon this is not brain surgery) why guys think they can smooze you, kiss and flirt with you, invade your boundaries of respect...finish off their pork dumplings ..and send you off with a kiss or two and a swift adios. "Once we make it clear that we are not interested in going home with you an hour and a half into the date, they cool off and dismiss you and the next day are with their 'new love', someone else."
BRITNEY: "Please...keep your hands to yourself and GROW UP!!!!!! Any self respecting man that is sincere and wants to make a good impression on a woman, would or should have the social graces by this stage of the game...(c'mon!!) to know how to dance the 'divine dance'...
We live in a new world. Movies are not necessary our "role models for romance". It is the 21st century. A woman is running for president. Women are not asking for special treatment, only the respect we deserve. Please leave the macho at home as wasting our time will not win our love and/or affection. Try old fashion romancing and see the difference. Treat a woman with respect in a relationship, and you may be pleasantly surprised at the respect that comes back tenfold in return.
On a lighter note....a good male friend of mine requested that we as women, not let the "bad seed" representatives of our male population ruin it for the good guys out there. And...yes indeed there are still good guys around! One of my favorite quotes- "if you don't stand for something-you'll fall for anything".
Onward upward fellow single women (and men). Just don't let those living in sleeping bags in Clueless Park get you down or even slow you down.
About the Author:
America's 2nd Favorite Sexologist Dr. Arlene Krieger, PHD is a mental health counselor and certified sexologist practicing in Boca Raton, Fl. She works with individuals, couples and family both in-office and by phone (worldwide). Click Here To Visit Her Site