Child Behavior: Getting Your Children to Tidy Their Rooms
Dr. Noel Swanson.
This is a common problem faced by parents. It is the main cause of many a fight and argument that lead to frustration. Here are some tips to handle this:
First, make sure that there is somewhere to put all the stuff. It is no good expecting your child to tidy up if there is no space in cupboards or drawers in which to put it all. This can be difficult in small rooms, so it may take some pre-planning - maybe even installing some additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.
It is best to have enough storage space so that there is still some room for more. It will help the child to find what he is looking for easily without scattering everything across the floor. Moreover, kid stuff goes on adding everyday. If there is enough space then the new things will also find a place rather than keep lying around.
Once you have solved the storage problem, it is time to establish a routine and appropriate expectations. Every child is different. Some, amazingly, seem to be born with the "tidy gene". Most are not. Also, their definition of tidiness may be very different from yours. Don't expect them to keep their room spotless every single minute of every day. Instead, try to establish, preferably by negotiation, what a reasonable standard of tidiness is, and how often that should be achieved.
Remember, your goal should be to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings; it should not be to showcase a spic and span room to show off to others. If you are taking up this exercise only because the untidiness gets on your nerves, then stop and think again. This will not help you or your child. Set your emotions aside and focus on teaching a good habit to your child. Therefore, you will have to be patient and live with an untidy room at times.
You need to establish reasonable expectations, such as putting things away before bedtime and a once-a-week thorough tidy-up. Then you can draw up some kind of contract.
In this you should spell out the consequences for success and failure. Give clear indications of what the rewards or punishments would be.
Again, it is better to focus on rewards such as privileges earned based on achieving the goal. This can be combined with a chart system connected to other chores.
In rare cases you can use some punishments for failure, but only as a last resort. And, the punishment should commensurate with the crime. You may want to try out the "black bag" technique, which is to put all scattered things in a big black bag which will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. If they tidy up the room by next Saturday, they can have it back. If not, then the next week's black bag collection is also thrown into the basement. This continues until they do some tidying up!
The secret of success of this exercise is in remaining calm and firm. Avoid shouting or other punishments. Just go at the appointed time and collect the offending articles.
Do this a couple of times and most children will get the message and tidy up before you get there with the black bag!
There may be times when you are expecting visitors and you need your child's room. This is your need and out of the contract. So, remember that this is extra to your original contract, so it would be only fair to offer an additional incentive for them to tidy up. Be grateful that they are doing you a favor by lending their room to you.
http://www.good-child-guide.com/child-behavior-problems-2) Child Behavior Problems can be solved! To find out how, visit author Dr. Swanson's http://www.good-child-guide.com/ Child Behavior Problems website and take a look at his acclaimed manual, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
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