Parenting Advice: Single Mums Having Problems With Sons
Dr. Noel Swanson
Q. "I am a single mother with three children; Caitlin 7, Tom 9, and Liam 11. While Cait is fine, the two boys are causing me problems. Tom behaves well in school, but has learning difficulties. After school though, he turns into a monster, and throws temper tantrums. Liam is rude, not affectionate and just generally hates me. His dad never visits, and Tom's dad died when he was a baby. I'm going crazy and want to know what I'm doing wrong."
A. I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with them. Parenting is supposed to be fun! Well, most of the time, anyway.
The first thing you must do is to stop blaming yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, including you, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is the course of action you take from now on.
Your daughter is doing well - so you must be doing something right as a mum!
Also on the plus side, is the fact that your younger boy is doing well in school. Even with learning problems, he can settle down and do his school work. Talk with his teachers though, he may be finding it so hard at school that he brings all his frustrations home.
It's most likely that both boys miss having their dads around. This is a hard problem to tackle. The youngest probably finds life easier since "a dead dad is better than a non-caring one". That's because he isn't actually being rejected. You can't do anything about the other dad except to be honest with your son. It isn't a good idea to either defend or criticize him. If you make excuses for him your boy will take it as you being on the dad's side. If you say negative things about him then the child will want to defend him, since he is his dad.
Don't forget that we can't change anyone, including our children. You can however, change yourself. Think about behaviors you can change in yourself that would make your life more serene. It may surprise you to know that if you feel more positive, your children will also feel more positive. On the other hand, if you keep doing what you've been doing, you will reap the same results.
Above all, believe in yourself and your children. Look to the future instead of the past, and decide how you want to be. Think only of the positive, rather than of what you don't want. Instead of worrying, think about the happy outcomes to come. You won't get there in a day, but watch those baby steps. They will add up and take you to your destination. Improvement will take some effort, but so does your present life. You will get there if you remain determined.
To get more http://www.good-child-guide.com/expert-parenting-tips) parenting advice by Dr. Noel Swanson, go to his http://www.good-child-guide.com/ parenting advice website.
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