Towards And Away: The 'away' Perspective
Kenrick Cleveland
When I teach my students about the towards and away continuum, I get asked the following question a lot: Isn't an 'away' person just a really negative personality type? I want to start out by saying, no, not necessarily. I won't deny the fact that there are truly negative people out there, but a person who is inclined to move away from a problem as opposed to running towards an outcome, is not fundamentally negative.
We've been taught from a very early age that 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' I am not on board with this cliche. It's dishonest. Putting a happy face on everything is impossible. Even if you 'turn lemons into lemonade' there is value in indulging in life's ups and downs. When you allow yourself to experience (not wallow in) life's lows, you will feel the highs even more intensely.
With that said, it's hard to be around people who complain incessantly. Viewing the world through the lens of misery and inconvenience is dreadful to be around. I believe if you're around that kind of personality for long stretches of time or consistently, your energy will be depleted as a result.
To me, whether a person is positive or negative is less important than honesty. However, I'm much more interested in being around people who know that their thoughts are manifesting their reality thus tend to attract positive folks.
Back to the 'towards/away' continuum. . . Like all of these continuums, they are context specific. Someone can be towards when it comes to relationships and away when it comes to finances.
Say you've elicited your client or prospect's highest criteria and it turns out to be security. And you say, 'So ultimately, what will having security do for you?'
Now, security is a value that can be either towards or away, so you've got to listen very closely to the answer to this question to determine their direction.
'Security. . .It's going to completely keep me safe. I'm not going to have to worry anymore because I'm just sick and tired of worrying. I don't know what the stock market's going to do and I'm heavily invested in it and I just am tired of worrying.'
Is this person moving towards a solution or away from a problem?
Away from, definitely.
I call the technique which is most effective with away from people 'backing the ambulance up to the door'. In this approach you are poking at wounds, really helping them wallow in their fear and then marrying your product or service with the path to financial security.
A perfect response would be: "Absolutely. That's completely understandable. Really, the stock market isn't doing very well. It's downright terrifying. People don't have any idea how devastating it's going to be when that thing crashes. Not having a safety net, no parachute. .. it is cause for worry. I'm moving beyond that fear with my clients and they are naturally safe and secure as a result of their work with me.'
Determination of towards/away is a really powerful tool that enriches rapport immeasurably. Don't ever try to force the away oriented person to see the silver lining or look through rose colored glasses. Just go along with them and bask in the fear and horror that you can eventually relieve them of.
Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy clients using http://www.maxpersuasion.com/ persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in http://www.maxpersuasion.com/ persuasion strategies.
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