6 Ways The Chronically Ill Can Set Reasonable Annual Resolutions
Lisa Copen
Did you make resolutions for the New Year, positive that this would be the year that they would really happen?
- I'm really going to start an exercise program - I'm going to lose those extra pounds - No more bad habits! - I won't be so sensitive - I'll save more money
We've all been there. And we've all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven't crossed our mind since December 31st.
For most people, going through the steps of setting goals is an expectation of themselves. For those of us who live with chronic illness or chronic pain, however, it can be frustrating and intimidating. illness symptoms change constantly, hence our life, feels like it is out of our complete control most of the time, following through on the little things, like jumping on a treadmill, seem impossible before we've even began.
The best explanations for not meeting our resolutions are quite reasonable.
--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then the town closes down the only indoor pool for winter construction
--> I'm going to get rid of those extra pounds . . . It seems every chronic pain medication I get has a list of side effects that say, "May cause weight gain." May? They all do!
--> I'm going to start making wiser choices about money . . . Money? What money? I'm barely surviving on what I have!
So what is the answer?
First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.
Secondly, make a few simple changes and don't label "resolutions." When you make your visit to Starbucks ask for the "sugar-free vanilla, breve, misto." (That's coffee with steamed half-and-half, with a touch of vanilla. It has fewer carbs, no sugar.) Rather than splurging on the "muffin" covered in chocolate chips have the sugar-free banana walnut cake (Trust me on this. . .heavenly!) Talk to a dietician about what habits you could start that would make a difference in the long run.
Thirdly, make a list of things that are important to you. Rather than saying, "I'm going to make wiser choices about money." Write down what it is that you desire. Have you wanted to go see a local Broadway show for years, but have never been able to afford the $50 ticket? Is your car running on bolts and old tires? How much would you need to fix it or replace it? Surely you value the freedom having your own transportation gives you. By taking some time to write down what is important to you, and stick them on the bathroom mirror as a reminder, it will give you some motivation when you are making those small little choices each day.
Fourthly, find a friend who has an illness who will unite in supporting you with your goals and you hers. Stress management helps illness and a healthy friend who says, "Well, you're never going to lose any weight until you join me at the gym. They have a new boot camp special that would be perfect for you!" will quickly leave you depressed and disheartened. Chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand. Our health is so out of our control that it's important to have someone who can help you see what goals are reasonable and which ones are a bit irrational under the circumstances.
Fifth, don't be so hard on yourself. When you make a less than perfect choice, give yourself the gift of grace, not guilt. You will have hundreds of do-overs in the next month to make better choices. Strive for making the right choice at least half the time and then take small steps forward, encouraged by your success. And remember, not doing certain things that are detrimental to your goals count as successes too. Skipping the drive-thru restaurant for that large fry you were craving was an admirable choice!
Lastly, have a fun goal! We easily forget that resolutions don't all have to be things to do to "fix" us! Decide that once per month you will go see a movie--even all by yourself. Or that you will put lunch with a friend on the calendar for the second Tuesday every month. Remember to reward yourself. When you clean out those dresser drawers, go buy some new pajamas and big fluffy slippers.
having levelheaded expectations about your goals in addition to some compassionate friends, you'll likely discover that you are one of the few people who have reached a few of those New Year's goals. And regardless of how many aspirations you didn't reach, you will definitely have discovered how to live with more joy. You will feel less guilt about what you've not been able to do and instead, appreciate all that you are able to accomplish.
Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just http://www.restministries.org/res-ezine_ill.htm) subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of http://www.invisibleillness.com/ Invisible Illness Week
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