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How To Handle A Toddler And His Tantrums |
By:
Dr. Noel Swanson |
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How To Handle A Toddler And His Tantrums
Dr. Noel Swanson
2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?
They look like angels just descended from heaven, but don't get taken in by their innocent looks; they know exactly how to manipulate you to get their way. And, they have mastered the art of throwing a tantrum at the slightest pretext. They know what works for them and will do that at the most appropriate time, which may cause you severe embarrassment or drive you up the wall.
So, how do you deal with them? By using exactly the same principles as you would with an older child:
A. you need to be clear about what behaviors you will accept or not accept. Don't take on a battle if it really isn't important.
B. Be clear about your instructions - say what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don't repeat yourself.
C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.
D. Another very effective way of getting across something to your two-year-old darling is to use what I call a 'manners chair'. This is how it works:
First get a small child's chair and put it in a corner somewhere, facing into the room. If they fail to do as they are told (after you have said what you mean and meant what you said - my book will help you with that) then you send them to the chair with words to the effect of: "Oh dear, you seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again."
When the child obeys you and does what you have said, it is evidence enough that he has found his manners. Get busy doing your chores and don't pay attention to his whining. This will serve a double purpose. You can spend the time catching up with work and he will learn something new.
It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child's mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It's good for your nerves too.
Once they have found their manners, you can then tell them to do what they were originally supposed to do, or perhaps they need to apologize (eg to their sister for thumping her!).
Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn't find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.
You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don't let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it's becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair.
What is important is that you don't get into yelling mode, and they don't get away with inappropriate behavior. Keep it calm, keep it positive, keep showing that you still love them, but that the behavior is the problem - i.e. the child is not the problem, the problem is simply that she has lost her manners temporarily - once she has found them again, then all will be well again.
One of the most difficult situations parents face is when your child misbehaves in public. Here too, follow the same rule as everywhere else: say what you mean, and follow up with action.
So, how do you time out in public? Three options: 1. Sit them down in the aisle and do a kind of "manners chair" in which no one is going anywhere else until he has found his manners.
2. You could take him out in the car and stand out, looking away, till he finds his manners. It's best to be absolutely quiet and avoid any discussion on the subject.
3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.
You will only have to do this a few times before they get the message that you mean business in public just as you do at home. While doing all of this, remember to stay calm and in control. Getting into a lather about it all will just make things worse rather than better.
You will find all this and much more in my book. Here is the link - you can get started today.
Fed up with your http://www.good-child-guide.com/ toddler's behavior problems? For tips on managing children's behaviors and for help with http://www.good-child-guide.com/toddlers-behavior) How to Stop Temper Tantrums vist Dr. Noel Swanson's website, and check out his acclaimed manual, The GOOD CHILD Guide.
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Article Source: http://www.statssheet.com/articles/article67247.html |
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