How To Be Romantic To Your Chronically Ill Wife
Lisa Copen
When your wife has a chronic illness, though you may love her no matter what, it can be hard for her to get into a romantic mood. Physical pain from the actual illness to weight gain or loss, bloating, and less-than-fun symptoms of medication can all be a deterrent to some romantic moments.
Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with your, but rather is just the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.
Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.
Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think?
Hold her hand. Yes, I know. You're hoping for more than just holding hands. But if it takes a woman without an illness awhile to get in the mood, you can imagine the affection she needs in order to forget her physical pain. Rub her back carefully, use an endearing name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Snuggle, cuddle, snuggle as if you will never let her go.
Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health."
Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn't splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well.
Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy a fondue pot and commit to dipping something in it during candlelight one evening a week while you talk about the week.
Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for "romantic conversation starters."
Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn't looking.
Every woman is different and has different needs, so be sure to communicate to her your desire to increase the romance and ask for her input. Ask, "What are you most worried about? What can I do to make life easier for you? What can I do that would let you know how much I love you?"
When you make an effort to increase the romance in the relationship, chances are she will notice and appreciate the effort so much you may not get a chance to finish that book on romancing your wife, because she may be ready for some romance. And don't forget, doing the dishes or the laundry can be the best way to your wife's heart.
Get a free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen, just http://www.restministries.org/res-ezine_ill.htm) subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded of Invisible Illness Awareness
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