'I walked into the classroom feeling fine. Then the trouble started'
No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high school student on the day of an important exam. She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualify for a place at college, so she had worked hard and psyched herself up for success.
Then she dropped her guard. As she entered the room where the students were 'relaxing' before going to the exam hall, she let their behaviour influence hers.
She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged with negativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces, some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down. Others were muttering such comments as: 'I'm going to fail, I just know it!' 'This is going to be SO hard!' 'Mr Brown said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.' 'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They're bound to toughen up this year.'
So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself to be sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as the confidence drained from her.
In fact, she never failed, but to everyone's disappointment, she never got the high grade expected of her.
However, she learned two very important lessons that day: * Negative language produces negative results * If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' by the negativity of others.
Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react emotionally to the situation).
Our thoughts are conditioned by our attitude, and our speech patterns follow from that. But then our speech affects our next thoughts, so it can be a vicious circle!
And it's not only our own language we must watch! As mentioned above, if we allow them to, other people's words can have a bad effect on us. In my country (the UK) teachers and parents are quite used to hearing students claim to be 'stuck' when they're at their school or homework. They've come up against some challenging material and need to find a way forward.
Often parents will automatically say, 'Ask your teacher.' Nothing wrong with that, is there?
But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'?
How does the brain react to such language?
As a teacher, I've experimented with this many times - and the results are always the same! Whenever I hear someone say 'I'm stuck' I usually say, 'Right, I'll be with you shortly.' And I leave them to it.
The same response will be given to students who say, 'Can you help me, please?'
Can you guess the results? Yes, those who are, in their own words, 'stuck' will sit and wait for help. In effect they have told their brains to shut down, there's no point in trying.
Yet the students who saw themselves as 'needing help' have sent their brains a different message: 'No time for a rest, help is on the way!' So they keep working.
That's the effect language has on us!
It's worth mentioning that in my classes it's only new students who claim to be stuck. They soon respond to the message that since they're not trees or bushes, they are not 'stuck'!
This is not a case of glossing over reality. There are infinite ways of interpreting reality, and our language can make our experience difficult or manageable - it's up to us.
It's amazing how many people say they'd like to write a novel. I've heard that many times, but I'll always remember the woman who said 'but I don't think I ever will.'
My response didn't please her: 'No, it's not very likely, is it?'
However, we talked about negative language, and she was grateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'If you think you can't - you're right!'
What, then, can parents do to help not only their children's schooling but their life skills?
Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give them a good example by keeping our own language positive! Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject.
'Right, I'll be more positive about it!' will bring results.
Now we're talking! But it's still very easy for the negative talk of others to throw our kids off track.
Here's a simple technique that, believe me, really works!
When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negative language, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't, just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glass bell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary!
Tell yourself that your positive contributions can go out and affect others, but their negative comments bounce off and don't get near you.
Why not give it a try? You'll be impressed
Enjoy your parenting!
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