Save Your Marriage With Parterapi (Couples Therapy)
by Ilan Wolffberg
Divorce rates in Denmark are among the highest in the world, making the word "parterapi", Danish for couples therapy, of vital importance to a great number of Danish couples
Most people I've spoken to regard parterapi as the last resort before divorce. One has long been dissatisfied. One has tried with arguments and long talks, but nothing has helped. One has spoken with friends and parents, maybe even with a priest or bartender - but good advice is hard to come by. One has (almost) given up.
Parterapi is seen by many as the last resort. The final step in an heroic attempt at saving a realtionship on the brink of failure. Having to pay for outside help is also painful. And is it worth the money ?...
Upon arrival at therapy, it often turns out that the expectations, far from shared, are quite different for the two participants. For some, it is already over and only the tidying up remains. Help (or courage) is needed to end an often painful existence. Some arrive unwilling to participate but unable to decline being "dragged" there by the other - unwilling or unable to refuse to taking part in what may be a fruitless rescue attempt.
Many people come with expectations of getting some quick advice on how to shore up their partnership so they can continue happily just as before it all started to change.
- And they come to the couples therapist and are told that there is no magic cure. They, themselves, will have to do the work, and the help they can get comprises support and guidance in (re)building a trusting and loving relationship. They are told that it will take time and hard work, that they will experience progress and relapses, laughter and tears, frustration and - above all - that it will require courage.
It takes courage to reveal oneself to another. Courage to share one's thoughts and aspirations, courage to share one's innermost feelings. It takes courage to show one's strengths and weaknesses and courage to stand up - fearful and without protection - and encounter another, open and vulnerable.
It may not be surprising that so many couples do not attempt therapy. Or give up after only a few tries.
For those who succeed, the payoff is great. They end therapy with increased confidence in themselves, in life and in each other. They acquire strategies they can apply to solve future difficulties and disagreements. They get increased insight into their own ways of meeting the world and how they are different from each other and thereby can help each other to achieve more than either can achieve alone.
And often they ponder: "What made us wait so long?", "I wish we had known all this long ago", "Just thionk of how happy we could have been all this time.", "If only we had known"
Having marital problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American parterapi expert and has been residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Check out his take on couples therapy at "What about Couples Therapy" and in Danish at "Om parterapi" You can get a unique content version of this article.
|
