Often, parents are seen to be anxious about toilet training. Some of them see it as some sort of competition as though toilet training proves the intelligence of their child or how good they are as parents. It's all nonsense of course! On the contrary, if you try to potty train your child before he or she is ready, you will be frustrated and you will traumatize the child unnecessarily.
So, the first thing is to wait for your child to be ready for toilet training before you begin to do so. It will make the whole process much easier, happier, and less stressful. It really doesn't matter that your little one is trained three months later than your neighbor's child.
Parents should never compare children because every child is different. Not many toddlers are genuinely toilet trained before the age of 20 months. The girls start at around the age of two and boys around the age of three. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4. Some continue with bedwetting till the age of 5. This should put you at ease. You have no need to be in a hurry to toilet train your little toddler. If you force it before he is ready, there will be problems like soiling that can continue for many years into the future.
Here are some tips to prepare your child for the toilet training and how to know when he or she is ready to start.
1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn't matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.
2. It is a good idea to let the child see you or other family member, of the same sex, using the toilet. Again, it's a misconception that it will traumatize the kid. No, it won't - unless you make a big thing of it. If you are natural your child will consider it natural as well. Talk about it in a mature manner so that it becomes a target to achieve when they are grown up. Toddlers are imitating grown-ups all the time. And, this will instill a sense of anticipation and desire to be like them. You may allow your child to flush the toilet; it helps to get them used to the whole process.
3. As the time approaches for starting the toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Make sure she knows what it is, and what it is for but, again, talk in terms of "one day you will be able to use this".
Look for the signs of approaching readiness:
1. The time will come when he will tell you when he is wet or dirty. Change his diaper immediately to give a clean and dry feeling as against being wet and dirty. Soon he will come and tell you that he needs a diaper change. Make sure you do it straight away and offer a lot of praise.
2. In the beginning, children find it difficult to physically manage the potty. They are not steady and might fall off. Also, they don't get enough warning so there may be some accidents leading to frustration with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off. If this is happening too often, it is better to wait another month or two.
3. Can she follow directions and instructions? Can she, for example, carry out an instruction to take a piece of tissue and throw it into the toilet? If not, or if she stubbornly refuses, then that probably needs to be addressed first.
4. You will soon observe a definite pattern such as twice a day after meals. These are signs of developing bowel and bladder control. If his stools are not firm and well formed, he will not be able to stay dry for several hours at a time, because he won't be able to control long enough to get to the bathroom. Do not hurry him otherwise he will start withholding forcibly, which can lead to various other problems. If your child has a constant problem of hard stools, then you need to consider a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.
5. Does she have a positive feeling about toiletting? If you have done the preparatory work, she should be looking forward to the day she can use a toilet like a grown up. However, some children do develop fears about flushing water etc, which you will need to resolve before starting the toilet training. Again, familiarity with the toilet should alleviate most of this. Practice sitting on the potty (in clothes) may reassure her that she won't disappear and get flushed away like the poo does.
These are the signs to look for in order to start toilet training. Be positive. And reward your child for success but don't punish for failures.
Good luck!
Dr. Noel Swanson is a frequent contributor to Yes Parenting website and also has a free newsletter on children's behavior problems. You can get a unique content version of this article.
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