2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?
To begin with, don't be taken in by their tiny size and innocent looks. They may not know many things, but there's one talent they are born with. They know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! And, they will go to any extent to get it ? throwing a tantrum is the easiest of them all.
So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics:
A. you need to be clear about what behaviors you will accept or not accept. Don't take on a battle if it really isn't important.
B. Be clear about your instructions - say what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don't repeat yourself.
C. However, make sure you do as you have said.
D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "manners chair"? Here is how it works:
Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ?You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.?
Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining.
It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child's mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It's good for your nerves too.
After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her!
Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn't find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.
You will need to be careful that it doesn't become too much of a game so that the purpose gets lost. There has to be a fine balance between ignoring and assisting the child to drive your message into their head. You have to be clear in your mind and draw the lines clearly and try not to break the boundaries.
What is important is that you don't get into yelling mode, and they don't get away with inappropriate behavior. Keep it calm, keep it positive, keep showing that you still love them, but that the behavior is the problem - i.e. the child is not the problem, the problem is simply that she has lost her manners temporarily - once she has found them again, then all will be well again.
If your tiny toddler throws a tantrum in public, what will you do? Obviously, you can't carry the manners chair everywhere. And, you don't have to, if you remember the basic rule of saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and follow up with action.
Consider the following options: 1. Take your child in a corner and tell him that you will resume the activity after he has found his manners.
2. You could take him out in the car and stand out, looking away, till he finds his manners. It's best to be absolutely quiet and avoid any discussion on the subject.
3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.
Let me assure you that you will not have to do this many times. If you mean business, they will not disobey you. But, if you are not clear, they will go on trying to see how far they can go. For further information read my book. Here is the link:
As I said, this is all based on the foundational principles in my book, so if you are having difficulty in getting your children (age 2 or up) to do as they are told - or if you find yourself getting into a state yelling and repeating yourself countless times - then it really is time to get the book and put it into practice! Here is the link - you can get started today:
Dr. Noel Swanson runs a very interesting free newsletter on children's behavior, so if you could do with some tips for dealing with your children it might be worth a visit. Also visit here for more parenting articles. This article is available as a unique content article with free reprint rights.
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