Unfortunately, even though adults hate lying, they often set up their children to do just that. Here's a look at how:
Mother has just heard that Greg was throwing stones at someone:
"Greg, what have you been doing this afternoon?" [Right, I'm going to confess to something that you don't know.]
"Like what? I haven't been doing anything", he says innocently and looked a bit confused.
"Did you throw rocks at the new girl?" [Maybe I can still get away with it]
"No.", he says out, loud looking shocked that you would even imagine such a thing.
"Mavis saw you."
"It had to be some other kid." [Why would she believe a neighbor over me?]
"She seems pretty sure it was you."
"Well, she's wrong, it wasn't me!"
During the first exchange, Mum is tempting Greg to lie, and when he does she has him cornered. Now it's showdown time. Does she have total confidence in Mavis? Now Mum is having some doubts and doesn't quite know how to proceed. Greg is being insistent, so maybe it was another kid. If she chooses to believe him, she'll have to apologize for not believing him in the beginning. If she doesn't believe him, she will have two strikes against him; lying and throwing rocks.
Since most kids lie to stay out of trouble, it's up to you to promote truth and honesty. Don't tempt them to tell more lies. You have to make it beneficial for incriminating himself, instead of letting him off the hook. Lay a foundation of truth telling and honesty for your whole family. This means you can't lie either. Watch your children for honesty, and reward them when they are. Keep talking about how valuable honesty is as well as a good reputation. Show them that honesty is great and that it will be rewarded.
The next time you suspect your child of something, remain calm.
If you know for sure that he is guilty, don't tempt him to lie by asking him if he did it. Give him the details that you know and punish him.
Here is a way to have them tell the truth more easily:
"Greg, Mavis informed me of something she witnessed this afternoon. I would like to have you tell me what went on. Go to your room and think about it for 15 minutes. While you're thinking, keep in mind how much we value honesty in our home."
This gives Greg the chance to settle down and think about his problem. He can dig a deeper hole for himself, or he can tell his mum the truth. If he decides to take the honest route, be sure to praise him. If he sticks to the lie, then punish him both for lying and for the deed.
When things quiet down, sit down with Greg and talk about what feelings may have led up to the incident. Maybe he was angry, envious, or insecure. Tell him that those feelings are natural and okay to feel, but that still doesn't excuse behaving badly. Be patient with him. He won't be willing to talk with you until he knows that you aren't' going to get excited and yell at him.
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behaviour. He has a fascinating website with lots of expert parenting advice that is well worth a visit. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting You can get a unique content version of this article.
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