The problem is that children don't arrive with an owner's handbook.
Which is tragic, really, since they are probably the most complex and difficult items that we ever need to manage. Even more tragic when you realize that parenting is the single most important job in the world - the fate of entire communities, nations and continents depends on the quality of parenting that the children receive.
Most parents get by. Their kids grow up and also get by. They live average lives in average communities, and raise the next generation to do the same.
But in an increasingly complex society, is that good enough?
First, if average is average, then half the population are below average. We see the results of that all around us - crime, poverty, prostitution, homelessness, child abuse and so on. And we see the cycles of depravation repeated from one generation to the next. As ineffectual parents pass on their lack of skills to their children.
But suppose we could rase that level of "average"? Suppose we could give all this new generation some new skills so that when they become parents they have something better to pass on to the next generation? Wouldn't that result in a better outcome for ALL of us?
Second, look around at the leaders in our society? What do you see? Corruption? Selfish ambition? Hidden agendas? Don't we need more heroes? More statesmen of outstanding virture, courage, leadership and wisdom? It is said that behind every successful man is a successful woman? Isn't that woman most often the man's mother? What if we could raise the standard of parenting so that we had more people growing up in secure, loving, confident families so that, instead of manifesting hurt, insecurity, and mistrust, our leaders could show a wondrous capacity for love, kindness and generosity?
Third, don't we, as parents ourselves, want to give our own children the best possible start to life? For them to grow up happy, confident, and skilled in social relationships? Don't we long for them to be able to avoid the mistakes that we made?
How can you teach and guide your children when all you have is your parent's example to guide you? Unless we take deliberate steps to improve our knowledge and understanding, all we can do is operate out of ignorance and guesswork. Is that good enough for your children and their children? Perhaps it was "good enough" for you as a child, but was it the best it could have been?
So why is it that the idea of getting some training as a parent is so repugnant to most people? Why is there such a social stigma to the idea of admitting that, when it comes to raising kids, we don't know it all?
Isn't that just shear madness? In every other area of life we pay good money and invest many hours of time to get the training we need to learn new skills. Yet when it comes to raising our own children, we think we can just make it up as we go along?
Isn't it time we moved on from that? Isn't it time that the normal expectation would be that people take parenting training at various points along the journey, just as the normal expectation, now, is that expectant mothers take ante-natal classes?
Isn't it time that this changed? Isn't it time that we made a more deliberate, and systematic, effort to better equip parents with the parenting skills and advice they need?
To bring it closer to home, take a look at your own life? If you have children, are you doing the best you can? How do you know you are? You don't know what you don't know, so if you have not had some teaching, how can you know that you are doing all you can to inspire and motivate your children? That you are adapting your behavior to match their temperament so as to best give them confidence and teach them responsibility? Wouldn't it be worth to spend a bit of time and money to read some books, attend a seminar, or watch a DVD so that you can understand them even better?
And what are your children learning? How will they learn about child development, the formation of character, and the instillation of morals? The right, and wrong, way to use punishments and rewards so as to help, and not harm, their own children?
Do you not think that something this basic should be taught in school, along with the three R's as a vital life skill?
So, next time you watch the news and see yet another tragic shooting, murder, suicide or rape, ask yourself how different it might have been if that person's parents, and grandparents, had had some decent guidance on the challenging task of raising their kids?
Then go and get yourself a parenting book. Read it. Discuss it with your friends. You might be amazed at what you discover!
Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting tips & advice on his website - just sign up for his newsletter and get a free chapter of his book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum. You can get a unique content version of this article.
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