When my friend told me that she and her fiancé had gone though marriage counseling before they got married, I thought she was nuts. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why anyone would want to do this. Now, five years into my marriage, I can see the wisdom in such a move. Though most think of it as something to fix problems, it can also be something that will prevent the problems from coming up in the first place.
I think now that my husband and I could have used a little marriage counseling prior to our marriage. We don’t have huge problems, but we have had arguments about things that we both assumed we agreed on before we married, but we had never bothered to discuss. This is something that ends up being a huge problem for many couples. Things like children, money, and even how to spend free time are usually some of the biggest problems. Other big problems include dealing with the extended family, and moral issues that may come up in a way that was never expected or anticipated.
Beside pre-wedding marriage counseling, some don’t want to go to counseling when they are having problems later on. Some are stubborn and they think they should be able to work things out on their own. That can be a huge mistake. Marriage counseling is something that should actually come at the first thought of ‘this isn’t working’ rather than waiting until someone says that it is time for them to move out. Talking things out when they are first an issue is best. You shouldn’t run for counseling for everything, but when big issues come up, you may need some help.
When seeking someone for marriage counseling, some like to go to their church. This can be great, but it can also be a disaster. Choosing anyone for this is hard because some have their own ideas about marriage that favor the woman, and some favor the men no matter how skewed the issue is becoming. Find someone for marriage counseling that seems to have no bias in either direction. That way you know you are getting fair advice that is meant to benefit the both of you. Don’t be afraid to walk away from someone if it just doesn’t work for you. There are plenty of good counselors out there that can help and do it right.
|
