One of the greatest curses you can have is to be able to use a skill for everyone but yourself. I am like that with communication. I can write wonderfully, and I can tell people just what to say in any situation. Many people come to me for advice, and by the words of wisdom I give them, you would think that I could be a famous orator. Nonetheless, in public speaking engagements, I am absolutely useless. I am less than useless. I am a buffoon.
That is why, when I was asked to give the best man wedding toast at my cousin's wedding, I was so terrified. I have feared public speaking event of all kinds for a long time, but wedding toasts are one of the worst. If you are giving a public presentation at a business meeting, for example, you can always console yourself with the fact you don't really like your coworkers. If you are giving a report at school, you can always try to come up with an extra credit project to prove that, despite the fact that you can not communicate in public, you still know what you're talking about. With wedding toasts, however, you are on your own. You are standing up in front of a group of assembled friends and family, and you had better not mess up.
As a classicist, my first thought was to look at famous wedding toasts. These things are relatively easy to find. There are many self-styled toastmasters around nowadays, people who pride themselves on having an old-fashioned faculty with words and a fluidity at public speaking events. Nonetheless, all of these toasts look stilted. They are either too old or too specific. I looked at many of the programs out there to generate public speeches, and had the opposite impression. They were too broad and vague. A toast has to be specific, catered to the subject, or else it fails. No one can write wedding toasts for you but you yourself.
Finally, I stop quaking, and sat down to write it. It took me hours, but I was finally finished. Then came the part I dreaded – the practicing. I was up all night the night before the wedding, and when I got there I looked haggard. Nevertheless, the speech went off brilliantly. I figure it was the combination of exhaustion and anxiety that worked for me. I was so keyed up about it that I couldn't mess up.
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