Step parenting can be a tricky situation, whether the other biological parent is alive or divorced. It bodes well to remember that it is as difficult if not more for the child, as it is for the step parent. Step parenting calls for a lot of tact and patience, but the love that is felt for the spouse can carry one through many a sticky situation.
Step parenting of a younger child is usually easier than dealing with an adolescent or teenager. Here, there are many issues of loyalty to the biological parent, who is absent. An adolescent may feel his mother’s or father’s place is being usurped, and may be quite resentful and uncooperative.
A step parent should accept that his or her partner and the child share a past that is entirely their own, and the step parent can never be a part of it. They all can however have a healthy relationship and a future that involves all of them.
Some dos and Don’ts of Healthy Step Parenting
In the beginning, step parenting calls for a lot of diplomacy. Parenting involves nurturing to make a child feel loved, and disciplining to correct undesirable behavior. It is always better to leave the disciplining to the biological parent.
This will be more acceptable to the child who may other wise feel the absent parent’s authority is being undermined, and the step parent is trying to take the place of Mummy or Daddy, who is either dead or lives elsewhere. Never speak ill of the absent parent either, whatever the provocation.
Care however should be taken to ensure that the biological parent is not being manipulated by the step parent or the child. A friendly approach, without being too overbearing, will in time earn a warm response. Step parenting may mean tolerating something which is hurtful from a child who is feeling distressed. It is better not to over react, but win the child’s trust in time. Once the child realizes the step parent is around for keeps and is not really the step parent of myths, the situation may improve.
Attempts at super step parenting should not be at the expense of time shared with the spouse. Every marriage needs nurturing and every couple needs sufficient time alone to help their bond deepen. This is something that should not be compromised. The marriage between two persons may involve children from previous marriages, but the bond between the two partners has always got to be the strongest one in the household.
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