I know some pretty serious disciplinarians. Some of my fellow parents, and even some of my friends, spend a lot of energy disciplining their children. Instead of finding ways to work with them, they find ways to make them obey blindly. I understand that it is important to have obedient children, but I think there are better ways to handle it than by punishing them. Punishment is necessary, but the most important thing is to make the child feel like a part of his or her own life. If he or she understands that the decisions that he makes matter, he will be more likely to obey what you have to say. With freedom comes responsibility, but with responsibility also must come freedom.
I always try to include the kids in decisions about household decorations. For example, they have to take care of cleaning the bathroom, but they get to pick out the kids shower curtains. They have to keep their bedrooms clean, but they get to pick out kids blankets. They rotate who gets to pick out the kids shower curtains. This time, it is my daughter's turn. She has picked out a frog shower curtain which is one of the most adorable things that I've ever seen. Her kids shower curtain will stay up for the next two weeks, during which time she has to take care of the bathroom. After that, one of the other kids shower curtains gets to be put up.
I did not come to this decision arbitrarily. I don't let them put up their own kids shower curtains because I have given up on getting them to listen to me. On the contrary, I want them to listen to me. I want to teach them that with work comes rewards. If my son wants to put up his lighthouse shower curtains, that is fine, but he has to keep the tub totally clean. If my youngest daughter wants to put up her kids shower curtains, she has to try cleaning the bathroom herself.
She is very young, and has not been assigned chores yet, but soon she will. Instead of dreading them, she will actually enjoy them. She will see them as a sign that she is getting to the age where she enjoys the same rights and privileges as the older kids. The kids shower curtains symbolize this, as do their bedsheets.
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